Thursday, May 21, 2020

Current Mood

Quarantine has been a funny time in this household. The days seem to mesh together in one long, uninterrupted Saturday. I am currently teaching online, and even that will end soon with the start of "summer vacation." There's long stretches of work with longer stretches of...nothing.

Typically at this time of year I'm sprinting to prepare for Greenfield Village. My students would be working on final exams, and we'd be planning our summer travel schedule. Everything has come to a full stop and it's bewildering to say the least.

On the one hand, I have this wonderful time to work and grow. I've taken online classes, interacted electronically, and read more books than I have in years. I participated in Costume On, and online conference, and have seen people fall in love with punch paper just as I have over the past few years. There's no price tag on this type of peace. My fiance and I are very lucky we're still paid for our jobs, so there is no financial impact on us. The pets are REALLY happy with quarantine.

On the other hand, going to the grocery store makes me nervous. My fiance's job makes me nervous. The thought of returning to school in fall makes me nervous, especially if our pay is cut. I hate that I can't see my family or just walk around a craft store. I've had to completely reconfigure my everyday routine. Extroverts like me need our social interactions!

There are days when I am productive beyond belief. The whole apartment is clean, schoolwork done, book read, meals cooked, and a crafting project diligently worked on my lap. These days do happen, and it makes me feel like I've got this down. I feel like I can quarantine forever when I'm in this mode.

Then there are days when I don't change from pajamas. Answering emails is a struggle. I just want to fiddle with a game on my phone and be left alone. Sometimes I'll catch wind of a higher death count from one day to the next and wonder if my fiance will live through this pandemic. People working in hospitals are getting sick, with at least a few young ones dying already. Those days are the absolute worst. I am impossibly angry at people who put others' lives in danger.

Based on what I've read of other people, this has been normal for some. There's nothing to look forward to, no gatherings or festivals on the horizon, no meetings of friends in front of the reenacting cook fire. Our entire way of life has been turned upside down, like it or not. The switch in emotions, the fear. The anxiety. Juggling different needs just to move from one day to the next.

My life is the feather
Frank Leslie's Monthly 1860

I want this to be over, but I want everyone to be safe. I look forward to the day I can go hug my Mom or bother Glenna Jo and Bill for an hour. My reenacting family. All of it. I've no idea what this world will look like when it's all said and done. Different, to be sure. Quarantine has certainly been an interesting time. 

Stay Safe, Friends!


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