Friday, September 27, 2013

Kristen: ENG 7021, The Female Observer

Since this week I am completing my paper, a blog post wasn't necessary. However, I thought I'd share with everyone a bit of an article I found in my *newest* issue of The Female Observer, hot off the 18th century printing press!

The Female Observer
Vol. 1
It is with great Pride that this author is so Esteemed to share with her audience, the proceeding Irks and Pricks of Modern Lifestyle. As an Observer I can look and admire without Stain to my reputation. I will not Bore you with prattle; this topic is of the utmost Importance to my readers.

As of Late a certain young lass of Quality has found it Within her heart to act most Immoral. Once a soft Lady of Good Taste, she fell into the same Trap that many of her Station find so Quickly. It is not for this Writer to speak of her Lack of Propriety, but it was Witnessed by many who wished a simple Musick performance in the study of a Lady M--- T--- V---. Her hair in Disarray but oddly pinned and wearing Foreign fashion in odd shape, Moving her body most Vexingly. I shall Not name the Poor Afflicted girl, though her Name is on Every wagging Tongue in London. She will not be again Mentioned in this paper even as she is like Blood for the Leeches of this Towne. Let her Outrageous Behavior be her Undoing thinks this Shocked author.

Her Mother and Father ought to Educate their offspring of her Great Folly. Of all the Virtues she Possess'd it was her Honor that felt the Blow of her Misbehavior. We are Told from the mouths of our Governesses and Nurses to find Reward in our Goodness of heart and spirit. This author herself a woman Spectator of events, remembers the soft Lessons that she Felt to her very soul. Learning that Propensity is a Vice or Virtue allows the Girl to put aside her Swaddling cloths for a more Adult Fashion if it the Virtue she Follows.

The Accomplished Woman will do much in her Day. Besides those Daily occurrences of tasks, she must be the Light of her household. She lacks Hypocrisy as it is a great Sin; her Husband does not Leave for the Coffeehouse and return Late in his cups. This Learned Female does not Lack wit, but knows the Precise moment to Acquaint her Audience with it. She is Amiable, Loving, and Natural in her dress and Air. Her Charms are used as a Model for those younger peeking out the nursery window. Those Tender young are the Mothers and Wifes of their own Property soon enough.

We will End our Speculating with a Thought on the Good Nature of our fine Ladies of London, who normally shew no lack of Propriety and Grace. It is these Women who find Reward in their Lives and are closer to Heavenly in their Manners.

~A Female Observer of Taste

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