With the historic election now over (yay!), I finally have a moment to breath and write. I will eventually write a post about my thoughts, (which are totally happy right now) but for now I will give an update about my health. Many of my family and friends are curious to see how I'm doing. Since my last post I realized that not many people have been sharing an in-depth look at how they responded to the illness, something that is sorely needed, as cases here in Michigan have skyrocketed past 6,000 this week.
It has been a roller coaster here. I returned to work after 15 days of illness with the lingering, long term symptoms that I have worried about since the beginning. This was no flu bug; I'm fighting through a few different things that are still ongoing and impacting my life. Going on week four here, let me tell you about it...
Lingering Effects of COVID
1. Taste and Smell Still Affected
Both senses were completely wiped out when I was very sick. I didn't smell burning toast, couldn't taste a single thing. I was miserable, probably because those two senses are an amazing connection to the world. Now I'm able to taste REALLY strong tastes. My diet currently consists of pickles, roasted garlic, and swiss cheese. I can get a very light, almost nonexistent taste of tangy and bitter. My sense of smell is doing a little better, as I can now detect really strong scents if I am close. I have no idea how much longer this will last. Luckily social distancing is still in place, because I probably reek of these foods...
2. Exhaustion Most of the Time
As I write this post, I am very, very tired. It is hard to find a time when I'm not ready to take a nap. There's never a moment when I couldn't lean over and fall asleep. I've gotten better at sleeping while sitting up, as if that's a possibility! Without energy I find I can barely do the everyday things that keep my life normal, like laundry, dishes, and feeding the pets. Beyond that I'm nearly useless (besides this writing, which I force myself to do!). I'm typically an "endless energy" sort of person, so the lack of productivity is causing some anxiety symptoms. Please see #6 when I talk about how this has emotionally affected me!
3. COVID Brain/Cognitive Effects
I've heard people call it "Covid Brain," which is a weird way to say that there are cognitive changes, and not for the better. I'm having trouble following complex conversations, and often lose my train of thought. My spelling is atrocious; my fingers don't seem to connect properly with the keyboard. Luckily, in the world of autocorrect and digital saving, this will not be obvious. I am very, very upset about this and I hope this is one of the first things to go back to normal! Sometimes I just feel so out of it, like I haven't slept in a month.
4. Gastro Issues
It's weird to share information about my bowel movements with my adoring fans (ha), but here it is. At first the diarrhea was constant; it does not occur as often, but I still find myself with stomach pains sometimes. It is not linked to specific foods as it will change from day to day despite my diet. Perhaps my least favorite moment COVID was needing to hold onto something in the bathroom as I couldn't leave, but also HEY! I almost passed out. Good times.
5. Pain in Chest
Here's the weird thing; technically the pain is in my chest, but more specifically in my lungs. If I breath too deep, laugh, or overexert myself, there is pain. Sometimes it is dull, like when I take a deep breath. Movement can be difficult, especially while taking the stairs. Did you know that my life requires a ton of movement, between working in several school buildings, having pets, and just generally needing to use the bathroom? (See #4).
I feel sharp pains around my lungs too. I'm told this is a sign of lung damage. Just GREAT.
6. Low Blood Oxygen at Times
I'm told this is also another side effect. We have a pulse oximeter at home, which measures the level of oxygen in your blood. On a normal day, my level is 97-98%, even with exercise and trying to hold my breath. Since I had COVID, it is lower, averaging 95-96% on average. While there could be some fault with the pulse ox, I do notice that I feel dizzy or out of it when it goes lower. It happens at random, seated or standing, with activity or not. It make me nervous about everyday activities like teaching or driving. While it has not fallen lower in the past week (not as scary low as when we almost went to the hospital), I'm anxious about always being at risk.
7. The Emotional Toll
This is not often discussed in relation to COVID, but I need to make a note of this. The first few days of my illness were bad, but bearable. The psychological toll of possibly infecting a large swath of people was terrible. I waited every day for some news, rejoicing every time a test result from my coworkers came back negative. COVID crept into my body and used me as a weapon, and I envisioned them feeling as terrible as I did, or worse. The thought that I could infect and kill my fiance passed my mind as well. That put me in a really difficult place. We distanced as best we could at home, adding to my isolation as we had to stay apart.
The day I discovered that I didn't infect anyone (as far as we know), I was beyond happy. I actually cried after hearing the last coworker was negative. Perhaps I stayed far enough away on the right days? Maybe I didn't have a high dose of the virus? A host of guardian angels intervened? I didn't care just so long as they were all safe from me.
On top of feeling like I might be an unsuspecting murderer, the effects of a long illness have taken their toll. I am frustrated that I can't climb stairs or walk quickly, can't walk my dog or go to the grocery store normally. My crafting, one of the amazing things in my life, has certainly fallen behind. My house needs a deep cleaning, one that neither my fiance nor I can really do right now, as he is picking up my slack. It took a whole bunch of people (My fiance, his parents, my family) just to get us fed and okay for the weeks we were quarantined. Me, silly me, disrupted an entire system of people. I think I would feel guilt if I wasn't just so tired.
In Conclusion
My school district FINALLY decided to go out of the hybrid model and go remote, as there were thousands of new cases each day in the state of Michigan. About 500 people in my school district were sick or quarantined, many of them I know personally. Some have needed to go to the hospital too.
I am still recovering. I was told by a nurse hired by the Oakland County Health Department that I needed to report to school teaching 10 DAYS AFTER MY SYMPTOMS STARTED. She commented about how she knew medical staff who had COVID and still had to work. I wanted to say that if I were paid like a doctor, maybe I'd consider that. Instead, I wondered how many other teachers and staff were talked into going back to school before their symptoms had fully resolved.
They also did not identify my case as one transmitted within the school district. Considering that I was in a building with hundreds of students, and many quarantined/sick people, it seems that it is the likely place of a transmission. Since they could not track the exact person I came in contact with who gave me COVID, they decided I must have contracted the virus during my 30-minute grocery run (there was no indication of an outbreak at that location). Not having the truth about your illness out publicly is painful.
If I could go back, I would not have continued to teach. Yes, while sick with COVID, I taught on camera, held conferences virtually, and did my best to keep up. I did it for my kids, to show them that I would be here for them even if I was sick. They were also very worried; I received emails from former students too who said they would be praying for me. When I walked into my buildings after 15 days I still wasn't quite ready, but I knew it wouldn't be long since the cases were rising again. My building was only open for 4 weeks in total. I nearly passed out once, and was completely exhausted for the one week that I did teach in person.
ALSO, and this deserves a completely separate post, black and brown communities continue to be disproportionately affected by this virus, and I have yet to hear official information about this from most school districts. It is worth noting that I am the only Latina woman that I know of in the district, and I was one of the first to get sick. We need to do better to help these communities in any way possible.
This week we had a day in Michigan with 8,516 new cases and 118 deaths due to COVID. Hospitals are so full they're leaving people in lobbies and storage closets. I am disgusted by the disregard for human life by many, many people who make decisions right now.
~Kristen
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